Summary
The incomparable Vincent Price struggles to carry the whole movie assisted only by a horde of sluggish zombie-vampires (zompires?) and a few long-ass flashbacks and actually does a pretty good job for the first forty minutes or so. Just think how impressed everyone was with Tom Hanks for carrying "Castaway" all by himself and he was just the Last Man on That Little Island, Vincent Price is the Last Man on Earth! Or is he?
Warning! Spoilers ahead!
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Barbara's Rant
Vincent handled this situation very poorly.
Number one - He is operating under the assumption that his immunity to the disease is due to bite he received in his youth from a bat in Panama. Clearly, he is not the only living person who has been bitten by a bat. Therefore, the logical course of action (after, of course, the death of his wife and daughter) would be to go where he is most likely to find other bat bite victims, presumably, Panama. Even if he is in Italy (His location is never specified and I, naturally, assumed that he is somewhere in the United States [We Americans are so arrogant, aren't we?] in which case he could easily drive to Panama. The other logical (probably significantly more logical, in fact) guess would be that he is in Italy.) he should still be able to drive to somewhere (probably somewhere in Africa) where he is far more likely to find others who have been immunized by bats.
Number two - Even if he is incorrect about the bat theory, he still has no reason to believe that he is, in fact, the Last Man on Earth. If, for whatever reason, he escaped the disease, it is probable, or at the very least possible, that others did as well. He obviously knows this intellectually, although he just as obviously does not believe it in his heart (which is perhaps forgivable) or he would not still be broadcasting on his radio after three years of isolation. The concept of the radio broadcast is good, but his execution is terrible. What are the odds of anyone picking up his transmission if he is only on the air for thirty seconds a day? Even if anyone were to pick up his transmission, he offers him or her no method of getting in touch with him, other than responding by radio. Perhaps this hypothetical person has a receiver, but no transmitter. Perhaps he or she tried to respond during the considerable time that Vincent spends away from home. It seems to me that he should make a recording with information such as his name, his address, directions to his home and broadcast that on a continuous loop.
Number three - Even if he is in actual fact, the Last Man on Earth, he could at least have a more peaceful life by moving to a more secluded area. Clearly, he is in some sort of large urban center, so it will take him years to clear out all the zompires even assuming that they don't travel (an assumption which is actually given some basis by the fact that the Ben zompire has been returning to his own house every night for three years. [I think Vincent should move somewhere else; maybe Ben would leave him alone if he had his house back.]) If he moved to a nice country house in the mountains he could probably get rid of all the resident zompires pretty quickly and at least be able to enjoy his home movies without anyone whacking his door with sticks. (And isn't that about all that any of us can hope for?)
Number four - Even if his goal is not to live a pleasant and civilized life, but to exact a vicious and futile revenge on the zompires for what their rise has done to the human race in general and to Vincent's family in particular, the most efficient way to accomplish this is to a) go to the place with the highest population density and b) use pre-made stakes so he doesn't have to waste time lathing them himself. Shouldn't be hard to find, as they apparently needn't even be made of wood.
Number five - I know this has nothing to do with Vincent Price's behavior, but I have to mention it; he's not the only one that handled this situation poorly. The remaining humans, those that are infected, but not yet undead, have apparently spent three years allowing Vincent Price to kill their compatriots in their sleep, knowing that he was killing them in error, that he thought they were zompires. Why did they not make themselves known to him years ago? Why did they not contact him before the night that they planned to kill him? And if they were going to kill him anyway, why contact him at all?
Number six - Not to worry, I did understand the point of the movie and in fact, I approve. I approve because I believe in my heart that the way that the Last Human on Earth comports himself or herself will be important. There are atrocious acts in humanity's past and those can never be wiped clean by the actions of a single person. There have been glorious moments that will never be tarnished, no matter what the future holds. But just as we have always prized a noble death in an individual, I think we must hope for a noble death as a species. I also believe that it is highly probable that there will be an actual, true Last Man or Last Woman on Earth. I consider it a virtual certainty that humanity will at some point, I pray in the far distant future, go extinct. Unless that happens at the death of the world, that is, when our sun dies, a possibility that I consider to be virtually nonexistent, we won't all die at the same moment. Someone will be the last. Quite probably many, like Vincent Price, will believe that they are the last. I think it unlikely that a single man or woman will be left in perfect health, in the prime of life, as we find Vincent Price, surrounded by the corpses of the rest of the race, although anything is possible. I don't know how this hypothetical person should behave; I imagine it will depend on the circumstances of our extinction and perhaps on the condition of humanity immediately prior to whatever catastrophe causes our ultimate doom (assuming it is caused by some kind of catastrophe.) I like to think though, that the best thing this person could do is to acknowledge, appreciate, embrace the beauty of the world one last time, as perhaps no other sentient being ever will. I know it won't be easy; maybe it can't be done over the ashes of everyone one has ever loved. Most of us hope to die in a noble cause or to die in our beds. I doubt that there will be any noble causes left to die for. Unless we are exterminated by extraterrestrials or by a new terran species, but that's a totally different scenario, not to mention a much more popular subject for movies. It does have a lot more action. I think beauty and peace will perhaps be the only noble causes left to live for. There is of course the possibility that the Last Human on Earth will spend his or her remaining days scouring the Earth for companionship. Maybe that's a noble cause, too. Or maybe it would only be looking back when the best thing to do is to look forward. Humanity will be dead, but as I said before, I doubt the world will be. I know the universe won't be. Unless we successfully colonize the stars. Then you never know. Of course, then we wouldn't be talking about the Last Human on Earth, we'd be talking about the Last Human in the Universe, which somehow seems less significant to me, unless he or she is also the Last Sentient Being in the Universe. At all events, it's clear that bitterness, cruelty, meaningless vengeance against a misunderstood, inculpable, powerless foe is not the way to go, either for the benefit of humanity, or for the benefit of Vincent himself. Which, of course, is the whole point. As stated at the beginning of this paragraph, it's a good point. Not all movies have to celebrate the human spirit; I enjoy a good cautionary tale - look at "Night of the Living Dead." But all those other problems I enumerated earlier in this review (if you can remember that far back) get in the way. He isn't the Last Man on Earth. He behaves neither with dignity, nor cowardice, nor passion, nor even intelligence. Not him, nor the other living humans. Not only is the story implausible, it's too small, too petty. This movie wants us to believe that it's important; that we're watching a vital final chapter in the book of humanity, but it isn't true. I don't accept identity with these people. The movie fails, not because Vincent Price fails, but because it doesn't matter whether he succeeds.
Number seven - If I've learned anything from Stephen King's "The Stand" (and you know I have) it's that one should never, ever enter a walk-in freezer after an apocalyptic plague!
BARBARA JO
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