Summary
Leatherface and the family are back, serving award-winning chili and causing mayhem along an ugly piece of Texas highway. Everything's going great until a local DJ named Stretch and a crazed vigilante out for revenge stick their noses in, which goes about as well as you'd expect. Entire scenes are lifted from the original TCM, but with none of the power, menace, and terror. Instead, we get Leatherface's sidekick Chop Top capering and cackling, lots of yammering about meat, and goofy chainsaw-as-phallus jokes. They seem to have been aiming for Nightmare on Elm Street-type humor and over-the-top gore, but the result is just disappointing.
Warning! Spoilers ahead!
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Barbara's Rant
Just what is going on with the Texas police that they were unable to find even the house after the orginal chainsaw massacre? It was about 200 yards off the road, for Pete's sake, practically within spitting distance of the place Sally & her unfortunate friends were staying! What, did they just take quick ride down the road, send out a crew to clean up the blood, and call it a day?
If they'd just been unable to find the family, I could have dealt with that, although that would mean they all must have cleared out with amazing efficiency, since they had to pack up Grandma and Grandpa, plus go searching through the woods for Franklin and his wheelchair. Of course, if the police had found the house, I guess even they would have had a hard time convincing themselves that a BMW with huge chainsaw gashes in the roof was just a traffic accident.
What's really astounding is that even their incompetance pales in comparison to the complete ineptitude of the local food inspectors. This family of dirty hicks has apparently been selling cannibal chili out of the back of a dirty truck for years, and they never did any kind of health and safety inspection? I know a woman who owns a bakery, and she's not even allowed to use a perfectly normal KitchenAid because they're not approved for commercial use, so I find it hard to believe that there aren't any local restrictions on, say, butchering dead people with a chainsaw for human consumption (even in Texas). I'm pretty sure that Leatherface's basement butcher room doesn't conform to cross-contamination requirements, even if he wasn't cutting up people before bothering to kill them (you'd think they'd be easier for him to manage dead). And despite his relatively deft touch with the little electric carving knife (a nice little visual joke), I find it very hard to believe that Leatherface (or anyone else in the family, for that matter) has the intelligence, attention span, and physical coordination required to make an award-winning batch of chili. Really, can you picture that bunch carefully roasting and grinding the chilis, browning the meat, and simmering it slowly for hours? Chop Top is clearly hopeless, he'd be off dancing with his little dead friend in 10 minutes, Drayton always struck me as more talk than action, and Leatherface, while clearly a talented artist, doesn't seem to possess the mental capacity required to follow a recipe. However, movies are united in the belief that human flesh is incredibly tasty, so it's possible that's enough to make the recipe less important.
And just to demonstrate my point, I thought I'd close out this review by sharing Large Bear's chili recipe. Enjoy!
Large Bear's Non-Cannibal Chili
6 ancho chilis and 6 New Mexico chilis, toasted and ground (or less or more, if you prefer)
2 tablespoons cumin seeds, toasted and ground
2 teaspoons dried Mexican oregano
1/2 cup water
3 1/2 pounds beef chuck roast, trimmed, cut into 1-inch cubes
2 teaspoons salt, plus extra for seasoning
8 slices bacon, cut into 1/4-inch pieces
1 onion, minced
5 garlic cloves, minced
5 jalapeno chile peppers, cored, seeded, and minced
1 cup plain tomato sauce
2 tablespoons lime juice
5 tablespoons masa harina
Ground black pepper
Mix chili powders, cumin, and oregano with 1/2 cup water and set aside. Toss the beef with the salt and set aside. Fry bacon pieces in a large, heavey pot until crisp -- remove the bacon and set aside. Also pour out all but a little of the bacon fat and set it aside (you'll use it later). Saute the meat in the fat until brown on all sides. Do this in batches so as not to crowd the pot. Don't over-brown -- if you cook the meat through, it'll end up tough. Add back more bacon fat if needed. Set the browned meat aside. Saute the onion in the rest of the bacon fat until it's soft. Add the garlic and jalapeno and saute for a minute. Add the chili paste and saute for a few minutes. Add the bacon, beef, tomato sauce, lime juice, and 7 cups of water. Cook at a simmer for about 2 hours.
Finish by mixing masa harina with 2/3 cup water to make a paste. Increase the heat to medium and add the masa harina mixture, then simmer for about 10 minutes until it thickens. Salt and pepper to taste.
It's much better if you let it sit in the fridge overnight and reheat and serve the next day. We like it with a side of corn bread and topped with cilantro and sour cream.
BARBARA MAY
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