Summary
Four delightfully charming martial arts experts trained to fight zombies and vampires (which are apparently closely related in China, unlike their European cousins) are separated from their wispily-moustached master while battling a King Vampire with what appears to be a very serious skin condition. They track him to the estate of a kung fu expert with a beautiful daughter-in-law, a lot of gold, and an impressive collection of carefully preserved dead relatives. Yet another kung fu expert is out to steal the gold, so he brings in a deadly snake, some hired goons, and a professional zombie wrangler. Then it gets really confusing, but between the hopping zombies, the silly wire fu, and the manic camera work, you won't mind the mess.
Warning! Spoilers ahead!
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Barbara's Rant
Where would you learn ancestor taxidermy, do you suppose? It didn't seem to be that similar to regular taxidermy, although my knowledge of critter preservation is admittedly pretty limited. However, I've certainly never seen a deer foot gun rack dipped in wax and leaking lemon custard (which did not look fun to clean up, by the way). Frankly, I don't see how he had time to replace his son's dead brides and practice his kung fu what with all the dead bodies he had to maintain. And that's not even considering the ancestor army he's got hanging out in his basement. He seems to be laying them up in case of a sequel, kind of like making a big batch of tomato sauce and freezing some for later -- it's just more efficient that way, and plus you're prepared in case a wandering zombie wrangler stops by looking for something to eat or re-animate.
And more power to him! I had so much fun with this movie, I'd be delighted to see a sequel, if only to see the tragic ending obviously in store for beautiful daughter-in-law and the cute, skinny vampire hunter (I think it was Rain, but anyway, they had romantic shenanigans after her unappealing husband was killed). In fact, I think they only allowed the happy newlyweds to ride off into the sunset because the movie was already a bit, um, overstuffed plot-wise. I realize that these vampires operates under a different set of rules than the ones I'm used to, but I'm pretty sure that it's a universal movie law that if you hint that the vampire hunter may be have to watch his beloved turn into a vampire, hope he can save her, get his butt kicked by her a couple of times, and then be forced to kill her to save his friends, you're contractually obligated to follow through. I'm betting that they don't even make through the swamp before she starts to get yucky and hop around. Although I didn't really catch whether a vampire victim had to go through the hopping zombie stage before emerging as a full-fledged vampire, as seems to be required for people killed by more conventional means. They didn't fully explain the undead life cycle (so to speak).
I was a bit surprised at the complete lack of vampire sex. For one thing, the vampire is far too yucky for the whole seduction angle to work. He looks like especially moist, wormy zombie, and while he draws strength from blood, it doesn't seem to do his skin any good. He even gets around the sensuality of biting someone's neck by hoovering the blood out of his victims from about a foot away, which is impressive but lacks the intimacy of a good neck-bite. Not that I was looking for vampire porn or anything, but without any real connection with his victims, the vampire has less personality than I would have liked. At least the hopping zombies were fun, if not at all threatening.
Also, don't Rain, Lightning, Thunder and Wind sound like better names for exotic dancers than for vampire hunters?
BARBARA MAY
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